maps_or_guitars

EDIT: Yeah, this is pretty pathetic. I know! I know. But they'd STILL better do something. Or - Or I'll SULK. That'll show 'em.

What with me turning 40 on Sunday, It will be interesting to see if My Lords And Masters:

a) Do something to recognize my birthday today
b) Do something to recognize my birthday Monday
c) Do nothing to recognize my birthday at all

I've reminded them but they have a bad track record.

The band and a couple local friends are coming over for a wee party on Saturday night, and that'll be fun.

I have a new thing for my EllJay. LESSONS.

LESSON 1 FOR THE UPCOMING YEAR: Do not clip your nails in poor lighting.

My nails have never been that great. As long as I have had both nails and teeth, I've had a struggle. It's gross. It makes me look like a crazy person. So I appreciate having nails of sightly length. I had a beaut a few minutes ago, right hand, third finger. I wish you could have seen it. But it was slightly irregular in a way that bugged me, so I plied the clipper, and with one miscalculation in the semi-dark, hacked off a big chunk of it in a way I could have scarcely done better in ninety minutes of anxiety-stricken gnawing. I've had to file that bastard right on down to get rid of the jagged bits that would set me off. It's a sad little nub, now.

So Endeth The Lesson.

It's been simply ages since I posted some stupid iPoddy thing, mainly because there's been no need to do any culling. But I can see you all out there, biting your lips, sitting on your hands and squirming, trying hard not to be the first to cry out JAMES! JAMES, WHAT'S ON SHUFFLE ON YOUR EMPY TREE PLAYA?

There there. It'll be alright.

Here's a ten-shot from my little aleatory deejay, which I'm titling "Why I Didn't Really Need the 120GB":

1 Okkervil River, "On Tour With Zykos"
This is one of the many bands I swallowed up SLURP when I was still friends with eMusic, back when for twenty bucks a month I was getting ninety downloads. I'd get albums on the strength of a decent review or a song, too many really to digest properly. I should probably give these guys a proper listen, but at the moment, I'm a little meh about them. Stylistically they're inspired by the same stuff driving the Devotchka and BSS and other post-Neutral Milk bands, but they seem to lack the fire that I like to perceive in that kind of band.

2 The Beta Band, "Dogs Got A Bone"
This is one of the many bands I swallowed up SLURP when MLW was still working for the Civilian Complaint Review Board, a city agency whose main purpose appears to have been to sit down with one's co-workers, break out the hard drives, and swap entire music collections. She'd get tens and hundreds of albums at a time, way too many really to digest properly. A lot of their stuff I've since properly listened to, and some I like, and some I don't. I like this one.

3 The Rolling Stones, "Let Me Down Slow"
Another song from one of the massive CCRB music heists. I wouldn't have budged a penny for it - I don't really dig any Stones since Goat's Head Soup enough to. Not that there's anything wrong with this song - it's just not all that special.

4 The Rapture, "Mirror"
Another song from one of the massive CCRB music heists. I honestly don't think I've heard it before, and I've had it for years now. I'll have to listen on proper speakers.

5 The Brian Jonestown Massacre, "Nevertheless"
Wish I liked these guys more than I do, really. They're a little dull sometimes.

6 The Streets "It Was Supposed To Be So Easy"
I get it, I think. Rap for the groove-free Brit hoodrat types: Rap following the rhythm and linguistic quirks of the East-ender. It's not really that easy a listen. Dude's like a poster child for the tone deaf. This lyric's actually pretty compelling "Today I have achieved absolutely nowt/ In just being out of the house I've lost out/ If I'd wanted to end up with more now/ I should have just stayed in bed like I know how." Not exactly what I think of as Flow, y'knowwhattimean?

7 Future of the Left "Yin / Post-Yin"
I adore this band and will buy everything I see of theirs. Of all the songs of this list, this is the first that I would absolutely be keeping if I suddenly had to be using an 8 gig iPod for whatever reason.

8 The Fall, "Theme from Sparta F. C. "
Another keeper: A glorious MES tune about Football, one of his favorite subjects. It's a good song. Although I used to have, SOMEwhere, the Peel Session of this song, which was much better.

9 Nirvana "Do Re Mi (Acoustic Version)"
Another song from one of the massive CCRB music heists. It's definitely one that'll go if space gets tight: that whole posthumous cash-grab "With the Lights Out." Totally marked for iDeath.

10 The White Stripes "Apple Blossom"
Another that I actually bought - in a brick and mortar store, even! It's a keeper if things get tight in the 120, but if I had to really cull I don't know that I like the Stripes that much, really.

Discuss.

1) Having the band & some friends over for dinner & drinks Saturday night for my 40th, so that's cool. I'm still not taking this birthday all that well, but I'm pleased it's not passing unmarked. (Anyone planning on being in town who wants to show? Let me know now-ish.)

2) I'm not Big in Japan, but I'm gonna be HUGE in Seoul: fellow who wrote the AmpEater review lives there, and emailed me this:

"I've recently befriend a DJ at an independent radio station here in Seoul.
I've been working a bit with her to find new bands for Ampeater and she's
spent some time poking around our site. She really liked your tunes and was
wondering if you'd be ok with her playing them on her show."

(I'd tell him to go out and sleep with as many indie Deejays he could find, if it would get airplay. Instead I just said "sure" and "thanks.")

3) Another dude bought Birthday Girl off Amie Street. W00t! I wonder if it's the same person who reviewed Rush Delivery today, saying: "Refreshing to hear something out of the rock category that doesn't sound like another copycat of the Bravery." Pretty easy, really, since I was writing songs before The Bravery hit puberty.

SURPRISE EXTRA #4, For extra Korean BAD LUCK extras: I finished reading Chuck Palahniuk's "Haunted" this weekend. I really liked it. I think it's probably the most effective horror I've ever read - mainly because the bulk of it relies on nothing supernatural whatever. The most horrific stories in it are successful - I think - because the people are doing horrible things to themselves. It's not a ghost, or a vampire; it's really not a boogeyman of any sort - try as the characters might to create one. (Actually, it turns out this was exactly what Palahniuk was setting out to do.)

The opening tale, Guts, is infamous for causing people to faint at public readings.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/3643352/67-people-fainted-as-I-read-my-horror-story.html

A relevant clip - not revealing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQdWEenSBxk

Cat 4th Class, Foster, is going in for teeth cleaning/removal tomorrow. We've been putting it off. He's right next to me, this instant. His breath is killing me. Paint is peeling from the walls and ceiling. The couch is corroding in a flaming puddle from this cat's hot breaf. I am considering renaming him Lord Foul.*

*I know, I know. Really only that first book was any good, and anything past the third was pure shit. Like the breath of Cat 4th Class, Foster.

Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile." or "ALL HAIL PRETZELCOATL, LORD OF ALL HE SURVEYS."

• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity (pretz only asked one, but I'll nut up and do it for reals.)
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

"What are your 5 favorite foods? 5 least favorite?"

First half is easier than the second, because I'm pretty omnivorous and even foods that I haven't liked in the past, I've come across good examples of.

Ecstatic:
1 Szechuan Wontons with Red Oil, paired with bourbon or rye
2 Ma Po Tofu (more szechuan red oil deliciosity ) paired with rye or bourbon
3 Chilaquiles verdes con pollo paired with hangover
4 Foccacia di Nonna paired with montepulciano
5 Landjägers, paired with beer.

Emetic:
1 Vastedda (spleen)
2 This pea soup I made once, that came out like glue. I was a grad student, and broke, and had to eat it anyway. ALL WEEK LONG.
3 Crap pizza. There is no excuse whatsoever for bad pizza. And yet I've encountered it resembling wonder bread smothered with campbells tomato soup and tub caulk.
4 I dislike lobster unless I can see and smell the water it came out of, which changes everything.
5 I am not a fan of Pork Rinds.

There are a couple clips from Friday's show up on Facebook - they're not YouTube so I don't know how to get them over here. They rock.

Also, I just got a review and single up on The AmpEater Review: http://ampeatermusic.com. (I was kinda hoping to get the final of the one song up there, but we'll do that on Amie Street, and maybe The James Rocket Club)

I think it's a pretty good review. Dude gets a few facts wrong here and there but no sweat. Makes me sound like some kind of elder statesman!

"James William Roy has been making music since before I was born. He picked up the bass in 1982 and the guitar shortly afterward. He began recording his own music at home on an 8-track long before it was considered ‘retro’ to do so. Over the years he’s been more bands than one could comfortably keep track of; Tin Honey Gold, Idiot Purge, and St. Bastard, to name a few. If you’re looking for a few hours of entertainment, a full listing is available at thejamesrocket.com. Currently Roy plays bass in A Bunch of Girls, which he describes lovingly as “the last rock band in NYC.” And in between gigs, he somehow finds the time to hold down a full time job, maintain a healthy marriage, and to write and produce some pretty fresh music. "

So. The world's worst director ever not only decides to put his penis on Darfur, but also, in order to really express the horror of rape, decides to make actual rape victims of Darfur re-enact their rape on camera.

Nice. (When I say nice, it's generally anything but. Say it with lots of teeth. Just so you know the tone, the dose of venom I'm actually administering here.)

Friend of mine: when I was 13, we roomed together in a tiny school in upstate New York. I was just learning bass. He was a shitty guitar player starting on the drums. He had lots of Cream magazines. He wore his boots without changing them long enough so that I still have never seen a case of athlete's foot that bad. He lent me his walkman, a bunch of times, and those were brand new then. It seemed transgressive to walk around with headphones on, like it wasn't really allowed. I listened to his Van Halen tapes that way. He ended up in the cavalry during Desert Storm, which means he got to see what the air force bombed after they bombed it, first. I can't call him that happy a man. He did get married just recently. That's cool. He's currently stationed at Fort Hood. He says it's bad there tonight, and I believe it.

I got problems like everybody else, but they're not so big as all that. Nothing like real horror to give a boy some perspective.

****

After all, I get to play noisy rock in a tiki bar tomorrow night! Awesome.

****

Theory: Awesome things in the abstract are always more awesome than things in the concrete, because the concrete is never truly perfect. Kung Fu is more awesome than David Carradine. For Example.

****

And for the benefit of the universe, this instruction: when you quote the lyrics to "Androgynous," there is only one band that can properly be cited as the source, and that is THE FUCKING 'PLACEMATS, that's who.

I think I've said enough.

My city is reminding me uncomfortably of Sim City.

You know how in Sim City, you get to be the "Mayor?"

And you can really do anything you want. You can rezone areas completely arbitrarily. You can destroy neighborhoods to put in public works with a wave of your hand. You can place nuclear power plants within city limits, and summon up overwhelming police forces to quash the protests. You can even set fires, cause pollution and call up disasters with complete impunity, at the wave of a hand. You can CAUSE HURRICANES. You can SUMMON ALIEN INVASIONS.

And not only are you the "Mayor" from the moment that the city's founded, but also you never ever STOP being "Mayor?" Not for one term, or two or three. Decades. CENTURIES.

When I used to play Sim City, I always thought of myself not so much as Mayor, as "Death-Lord."

This is kind of what Bloomberg seems to have in mind. Don't like it, much. DAMN YOU BLOOMBERG I AM NOT YOUR SIM.

Maine, you're a load of wankers. Boo on you, Maine, for stupid and bigoted.

I did some editing of The James Rocket, somewhat inspired by Kristin Hersh's website and business plan. Feedback?

Going back to work now.

Also,

Days like these, I respond well to music like this.

Random blather before I run out the door:

Zombies: I can understand an affinity for the zombie: either as animated dead, or as living person rendered living automaton. It's a fine metaphor for the wage-earning lifestyle. I see thousands of zombies in the subway and walking to work EVERY DAY; often I'm one of them. Sometimes I'm trying not to become one, but I know I often fail. UNGH! METROCAAAARDS.

Vampires: I can only assume that Vampire Lurve is based on surface sexy, and not on any sort of analysis. Yes yes yes, biting random pretty girls' necks is sexy. Being bitten on the neck by random pretty girls is also sexy. But that isn't what vampirism is all about.

Vampires are not predators. They are parasites. They live on blood, which means they need blood-producers to live.

The old vampires, the serious old school villains? Landlords and corporate moguls will do quite nicely. Your boss, also.

To find the metaphor in the "vampire children" crowd, I'd say hmm: Young pretty people living off the blood of others? THE FUCKING HIPSTERS. www.latfh.com. (Also, teenagers more generally speaking. Though all that this explains about the Young Adult Vampire Lurve is that Young Adults lack introspection.)

Penny Arcade covered another choice a couple weeks ago.
http://art.penny-arcade.com/photos/675414490_3mN9N-L.jpg

So, one of my big problems has been that it's harder to sell antique maps these days, for obvious reasons. Not impossible, but harder.

The fact that we've had to get a catalog out right about now has been cutting BADLY into my selling time.

So it's with some relief that I say that the fucking beast of a catalog is DONE.

I'm opening the shop on Saturday to show a selection of maps from the catalog (and not from the catalog, whatever you want to see, baby) from 11 to 5. It cuts into my trick or treating time, but whatever.

If any of you are in town, I would love to have company at the shop:
http://www.martayanlan.com/maps.htm

You can just drop by, or you can let me know you're coming, whatever you like. Bring a flask. I won't even try to hustle you or anything, you can just look - it'll make the place look busier!

I enjoy that NASA are launching rockets, I really do, but I wish that they wouldn't go naming them after war gods. Really? Ares? That bloody-handed homewrecker? Bloodlust, slaughter and rapine personified? I realize they're trying to reference the goal of eventually reaching Mars, but still.

With the kind of work that they're going to need to do, they'd be better off invoking Hephaistos. Also, if they ever want to do any terraforming of the red planet, Hephaistos would be particularly apt, what with his inadvertently getting Gaia knocked up.

A lot of my friends are having problems much bigger than mine. My problems are still immediate enough, and their problems are big enough, that I can't really do anything to help. I wrote this song a couple years ago because of this sort of thing, so I'll share it around again. It's free and stuff.

Even our closest friends are distant

So, I have an Icelander on Amie Street who just recommended some of my songs:

Paper Valentines: “This song is something I'd love to hear on the radio. Aggressive guitars, and the clapping.....love it”

The Clothes Make The Man: “I don't regret spending my last credits on this. This is good stuff.”

The Things I Saw: “Sounds like The Replacements, fronted by Billy Joel.......with bigger balls. Love it.”

(I know the guy's an Icelander because I reviewed some of HIS bands songs the other day - very good stuff indeed.)

mekkasimian is just plumb amazing. He made this, for my song, which he also drums on and produced. This is a video, for now:




Soon, you'll be able to rock out with it yourself on Rock Band with all your sexy friends.

Share this with absolutely everyone, friends: I love living in the future! It's AWESOME.

ETA: I am somewhat embarrassed how much the applause before and after the song "gets" me. I don't think I've had that many people at any of my real shows.

Huh. 157 listens today. Even considering fifty were probably me, that's cool.

Back in 1987, I bought the bass I still play out with. It's a Fender Jazz Bass Special. Mine's silver-grey.

Apparently, it has been reissued by Fender as the "Duff McKagan P Bass®".

Yep. An instrument I bought new is being reissued as a classic.

I turn forty next month. GAH. It's really catching up to me. I hadn't thought about it much. But I'm starting to feel like I don't have much of anything to show for my four decades: especially what with work being so dreadly lately. It's not a good feeling, you know?

Bah.

From teh_dirty_robot:





That is all.

1. It's my 8th anniversary. Yay! Send us bronze trinkets.

2. Donuts & Bacon has been slipping from its #1 slot on the Amie Street Top 25 Free Tracks list. This annoys me. If you haven't downloaded your FREE Donuts & Bacon from Amie Street, could you? See, it's FREE, and it would make me a little happy. And it's a happy song, so it'll make you happy. EVERYBODY WINS. While you're there, you might consider buying some of my songs that aren't free. I WIN. EVERYBODY WINS AGAIN.

Okay, 3 things. I got married during my first year at my job. This means I've been here eight years, and I still can barely keep my head above water. Oh yeah, and my 40th birthday is next fucking month. I gotta start playing the lottery more seriously.

So go back to number two, buy my music, and say nice things about it in public and online so other people do too. It won't ever make me rich, but it'll make me happier. And isn't that what we all want?